You may not get to choose what happens to you, but you still get to choose who you will be in the middle of it.
Who are you underneath all the roles you play, the expectations you carry, the things you’ve accomplished, and the opinions of everyone around you? And when life gets hard, how do you want to show up?
Coach, consultant, and mediator Sarah Murphy Kangas joins Willow for a thoughtful conversation about what it means to come home to your true self—to reconnect with who you really are and become more intentional about how you respond to the circumstances around you.
Sarah shares a powerful question she uses in her own life and with others: “How do I want to show up here?” We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we can become more aware of how we’re responding and take an active role in our own mental and emotional health.
Together, Sarah and Willow talk about finding your true essence underneath your roles and accomplishments, allowing yourself to actually feel grief, anger, anxiety, and disappointment, and recognizing the patterns that can keep you stuck. They also explore the difference between taking responsibility for your own healing and trying to control or fix everyone around you.
This isn’t about pretending hard things don’t hurt or forcing yourself to “get over” them. It’s about learning to move through what hurts, becoming present to yourself again, and recognizing the choices that are still yours to make.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected from yourself, or caught in patterns you don’t know how to change, this conversation will encourage you to slow down, become curious about what’s happening within you, and ask a simple but powerful question: How do I want to show up?
Meet Sarah Murphy Kangas
Sarah Murphy Kangas is a coach, consultant, mediator, business owner, wife, and mom with an MA in Organizational Psychology. She specializes in organizational trauma and healing, Enneagram training, mediation and conflict management, and leadership coaching. Sarah helps organizations and individuals intentionally live out their mission and values while creating space to discuss what she calls “the undiscussables.”
Sarah is also the creative voice behind In Praise of Leftovers and is passionate about helping people become more present to themselves so they can show up more authentically for others.
Key Takeaways
- When life hasn’t gone the way you wanted: Recognize the difference between what you cannot control and the choices that still belong to you.
- When you’re hurting: Don’t rush yourself to “get over it.” Give grief, anger, fear, and sadness the space they need so you can move through them.
- When you keep reacting in ways you regret: Catch yourself in the pattern and ask, How do I want to show up here?
- When you feel responsible for fixing everyone: Notice whether you’ve stepped into the “hero” role and remember that other people are responsible for their own choices.
- When anxiety takes over: Slow down, reconnect with your body, and give yourself space to choose your response rather than immediately reacting.
- When you feel stuck: Ask for help. Reaching out to a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or coach can be one of the first steps toward moving forward.
How This Episode Will Encourage You
You don’t have to deny what happened, minimize your pain, or force yourself to “move on” in order to become unstuck. You can acknowledge what hurts and recognize that you still have choices about how you participate in your life.
Sarah’s encouragement is simple but powerful: become present to yourself, notice the patterns keeping you stuck, ask for help when you need it, and keep asking, “Who do I want to be here?”
