Igniting a Faith of Hope with Laurie Short

Welcome to the Collide podcast. We're a growing community of everyday chicks colliding with Jesus in our mess, our pain, our joy, and our stories.

We value showing up as we truly are. So that's what you'll find here.

Walls and masks being torn down so that we can allow Jesus to meet us where we truly are and hear about other women doing the same. We can't wait to collide with you.

For me, it was an experience of, are you kidding me, God? You bring this into my life and then it gets pulled away from me. Could you use somebody else for this? Maybe.

And there were so many questions spiritually for me, but honestly, I will say that that is when my faith moved from Santa Claus God to the living God because I had to make a decision of whether I was going to stick with this God who was not doing what I wanted him to do.

Welcome to the Collide Podcast. I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of Collide and I'm super excited to hang out with the guest we have on our show today.

Laurie Polich Short has been a speaker at several of our Collide conferences. She's a fan favorite. She's an author, a preacher, a wife, and a stepmom. She's also a graduate of Fuller Seminary.

And Lori has served on staff at four churches over the last 30 years and is currently serving on the teaching team at Ocean Hills Covenant Church in Santa Barbara, which sounds like about the best call you could possibly get in life to be in Santa Barbara. During ministry. She's spoken to more than 500,000 people at conferences, colleges and churches around the country.

And her popular teaching videos are on right now media and they've been viewed by over a quarter million people all over the world. And today we get to hear from her personally.

We're going to talk to her about the book she's authored which are grace filled step parenting with about help and hope for this unique and loving role. She also wrote a book called 40 Verses to Ignite your faith and when changing nothing changes everything. And also finding faith in the dark.

So we have so, so much to talk about. Lori, you've authored 14 books for youth and youth workers and I cannot wait to ask you a jillion questions. Thank you for hanging out.

Well, it's great to be here. I feel like we should close in prayer. You've, you've summarized my entire life.

Oh, there's way more to you.

I know that you know, you've come up, flown up here and you've spoken at our conferences and so it's really fun to get to just sit down and chat with you today.

And I was hoping we could start by you rewinding all the way back to this crazy idea that God could use you in vocational ministry and, and how you were called into this work.

Well, this is so funny because I went off to UCLA as a college student, having just become a Christian, really, and I grew up in the church, but I, I, it was Serbian Orthodox, so I didn't understand a lot of what I was hearing and went to a young life camp with a boyfriend that I had of three weeks my senior year. And so I had to be with him. And that was the weekend I heard about that I could have a relationship with this God.

And so that happened really late in my senior year of high school. And I had the goal of becoming an actress at that point. I was doing a lot of acting and plays in high school.

I was accepted as a theater arts major at ucla. And you can see how well that career is going, Willow. Because God obviously interrupted my path.

But what's so great about God is he uses everything in our life. And I have seen how he's used that degree in theater arts.

I went from there and to go to seminary, and I was always the girl serving as a volunteer at churches going, no way would I ever go to seminary. And all of a sudden there I was. And so it's been a huge long journey of getting me into ministry.

I don't think I ever really even said I'm going to go into ministry. It was that I looked at my life and went, hey, I am in ministry. So I guess I'm doing it full time. But that's really how it happened to me.

I love that you say God. Well, first of all, God interrupted your life. But then you said God uses everything, including three week old boyfriends.

Absolutely. I actually saw that guy about 15 years later at a wedding. And I said, you have no idea the impact you had on my life. He was a Catholic guy.

I mean, he had just promised his young life leader that he would go. And I said, well, you can't believe what's happened in my life since.

And so it is just so interesting to look back over our lives and see how God twists and turns all of the different roads we take and somehow weaves them together.

You've been inspiring people's faith for decades now, and you just came out with this book, 40 verses to ignite your faith. What inspired you to write this?

So I had written Finding Faith in the Dark and When Changing Nothing Changes Everything, which are the two books I had written before I came and spoke for Collide.

And I just got to the point where I said, I want to give people the source of all my wisdom, which for me has been the in between places of scripture that we don't always look at. And so I wanted to do a study of 40 verses.

It kind of sounds like it's just 40, 40 verses, but it's really a study of the passages around the verse that give us some really big insights into God and they're not the ones that you normally hear about or normally see. And so I've been so encouraged by how the book is reaching people and kind of reigniting their spiritual journey and their understanding of God.

That's so awesome. Let's talk about this idea of igniting people's faith and actually the counter to that.

Because when I think about the counter to that, that I think about a faith that almost feels extinguished. And even in the last, you know, year, this has been a crazy year of a pandemic and political division, all sorts of craziness.

There's a lot of people who would probably describe their faith right now as almost feeling like it's dying or it's. It's being put out. Tell us, what are some of the causes or things that can extinguish our faith?

Well, I think brokenness in your life in any way, shape or form can certainly extinguish your faith if you're looking at your circumstances for evidence of God. And that is really been my life work in. I got to a point in my own life where I went through a crisis of faith actually a couple of times.

But one, a huge crisis of faith. When I was in the middle of being a speaker and encouraging people and my life was falling apart.

And I remember just saying to God, you know, if I tell people what's happened in my life, they're going to walk away from you.

And it was like I heard this little voice, willow inside of me, you know, it wasn't audible, but just in my heart that said, don't you worry about me, little girl. I can take care of myself. You just tell your story.

And the crazy thing about that season is that when I shared how my life had fallen apart, but then said, but I'm still holding on to God because he's not through with my story, I developed the middle of the story theology, which I think is huge for people, because so often we judge what's going to happen in our life based on what we're looking at right now. And we have no idea. I mean, I've lived long enough to know this is true.

We have no idea what's going to happen next and how God is going to use something that you never could have imagined he would use in your life. And my brokenness has actually become a huge part of my story.

And so now when I face brokenness in other ways, I have a little bit of a different perspective on it because I realize that it's only going to deepen my understanding of God because I've learned to look for him in different ways.

You know, I've always said God doesn't need us to prove his existence. And so it's funny to hear you say that you almost felt like you couldn't share the circumstance in your life, that it would almost like discount God.

And yet God doesn't need us to kind of prove our lives don't prove the existence of God. But you said something really interesting, which is a lot of us are looking at our circumstances for evidence of God.

And I'm curious, what would you say we should be looking to for evidence of God?

Well, to the point that you just made, Willow, when I was sharing about my broken story, which essentially was a broken engagement after it was already late in the game and I already had my wedding dress and my bridal showers and my bridesmaids dresses and furniture in the home because I was waiting for him to get back from a deployment.

And yet when I shared those things and then said, but I'm still holding onto God, I think my testimony was never so powerful because that is where people live. People live in the middle of the story. And they're looking for people not just to give the end of the story.

Here's the husband, here's what God did, but here's what it's like in the middle. To hold on to God when everything around you is pulling at you to not hold on to God. There is a power in that. And you need your friends to hold you.

You need other people's stories to hold you. But there is a power in that because that is where people.

So I think from that experience, I learned that it's not always our circumstances that reveal the power of God. It's how he works in those circumstances. But he takes a long time to do that.

So there's a lot of time where you're just holding on, barely holding on. And that's when you need your good friends, you need your fellowship, you need your group around you to Help you hold on.

When you say. Because there's people listening who don't know your story, Lauren, you say, you know, you're engaged.

You're waiting for your fiance to come back from deployment. You said it was a little late to the game. Do you want to kind of explain what you mean by that so people understand? Sort of.

Absolutely. So that they'll wonder if there's an 80 year old on your podcast? Yes. No. I was 42 when I got engaged for the first time.

I had had many relationships that had broken up before engagement. But I finally got engaged. And I'm not kidding, Willow. It was like the Hallelujah chorus.

And I mean, not only in my home and with my family and with my friends, but across the country because I was already speaking to youth workers with an organization called Youth Specialties. So so many people were celebrating this late in life engagement.

And then after a year and a half of being engaged, he had gotten deployed in the midst of all that and we decided not to do the shotgun wedding. I was going to wait.

And in the course of that time, his ex wife had second thoughts about the divorce and was communicating with him, unbeknownst to me. And we ended up breaking up and they got remarried. Which I always have said is a great story when you're not the girl engaged to the guy.

And honestly, just for those out there that have experienced an implosion in their life, there were people who said, well, isn't it great that God used you to get them back together? And, you know, I can remember saying, you know, it's fabulous. I hope you have the same opportunity someday.

You know, sometimes I think we need to, as Christians, be careful of how we encourage people. And it genuinely was that it was great that they got back together. My parents are divorced. I am a stepmom.

I know that brokenness is not the first choice in a marriage story. So if a couple can get back together, it is great, especially for the kids. But for me, it was an experience of, are you kidding me, God?

You bring this into my life and then it gets pulled away from me. Could you use somebody else for this? Maybe. And there were so many questions spiritually for me.

But honestly, I will say that that is when my faith moved from Santa Claus God to the living God, because I had to make a decision of whether I was going to stick with this God who was not doing what I wanted him to do. And that's when many people part ways with God.

But I'll tell you what, if you can hold on the story that he has for you is so much bigger and so much better than you can even imagine. And it involves so other people that you can't even see at this point. And that's why you have to hold on.

I think about people listening right now who, you know, they're in. I. I always pick chapter seven for some reason, but they're in chapter seven.

And it's not the end of the story, but it feels like the end of the story.

And when you think about that place where you had such big hopes and dreams and you'd hoped and longed for it to be fulfilled for so long, and you found yourself just devastated in chapter seven, and it felt like the end of the story. What would you now. Now knowing what God can do, what he's capable of doing, what he has done, and you'll get to share about that next.

But what would you go back and say to yourself in chapter seven?

You know, I don't know that I would have done it any differently because I made the excruciating choice to hold on.

But I'll be honest, Willow, A lot of it had to do with the fact that I wasn't just a Christian who came to church or even a Christian serving at a local church. I mean, I was the girl you hire to come in and tell stories about God so that people will embrace him in their life.

And it was a total Peter experience for me when Jesus was doing some hard teaching and asked his disciples, well, what about you? Are you going to leave, too? And Peter's like, where do we go? Where do we go? We've given up everything to follow you.

And yet there's something really amazing that happens at that point. Like I said, I didn't know it at the time, but what I love to do now that I know my full story is to go back to that point.

And I have pictures of the guy that became my husband, Jerry, at that point. And I just. I imagine God going, if you only knew. If you only knew what was ahead. But that's not how it works, because then it wouldn't be faith.

And that is the hardest part about faith, is holding on when you think it's the end. And I certainly did, because I was 43 by the time my engagement broke up. And it wasn't until I was 49 that I got married for the first time.

And so there was a lot of loss in my story, but the loss is part of the story. The fact that I couldn't be a biological mom without pulling out so many stops that we couldn't have done.

And we just knew that the way I was going to become a mom was the child that came in the package of my marriage. And that, of course, is the latest book that I've written.

But I think that we all have to say there's loss in all of our stories, and that is what makes the joy sweeter. Genuinely,.

I love that you keep pointing people towards hope in the middle of the story. It's so good. And so many of us sometimes do feel like we're in that chapter that we wish was never written.

And here it is and it's written and when will it end? And it feels like it's not ending. And it's so cool to see your family now, you and Jerry and your stepson.

You and I were just talking because we both have seniors that are graduating. Your stepson's graduating. And so here you are. And of course you're.

You're using this beautiful gift and this story to now come out with this book, Grace Filled Step Parenting. So I'm kind of curious. I want to talk about step parenting for a little bit. I had a step parent, but I'm not a step parent.

But I think there's a lot of people who've experienced one of those. Was it intimidating to become a stepmom having never been a mom to one of your own biological children? And what was that like?

Well, I was so mama hungry that actually, for me, the biggest challenge was that Jordan came packaged with another mom. You know, I was so in love with him as well as my husband. I mean, I just. He was six years old. He was the cutest thing you've ever seen.

And I thought, this is going to be awesome. But what you realize about every story is there's so many complications and things that you have to work through.

And when it first starts, you don't realize all that you're going to be signing on for. But certainly I even talk about this in the book.

When I came home from my honeymoon, custody had switched and we had him like the first season night back. And I remember clearly the next morning, coming out of the room, just feeling so much bliss.

And then all of a sudden there's this child and I'm like, you're still here. Of course I didn't say that out loud. Oh, my gosh. I'm responsible for you and I get to take you to school. And all those were my thoughts.

I, of course, didn't say anything to Jordan. But you know, the reality, I think set in at that point.

And then when Jordan's biological mom moved to Australia and I became a full time mom, that was a whole nother chapter of step parenting. But it has been so much joy. And I waited until Jordan was a teenager so I could ask him honestly about his feelings writing the book.

And I also wanted to log some years doing it. It's been 10, almost 11 years now. And he, he agreed to allow me and even contributed to the last chapter, which is a conversation with him.

It's very interesting, insightful con, but it was time. It was time to tell my story. But, Willow, there are people in Santa Barbara that didn't even know I was a stepmom.

So I feel a little bit like I'm at an AA meeting going, hi, I'm Lori and I'm a stepmom. It's kind of admitting to a term. And I even talk about this. I had an aversion to that term because of the fairy tales. I don't want to be a stepmom.

I'm a mom. And I think that's a whole other thing that we need to redefine because there are so many wonderful stepparents out there who are heroes.

And I, I surveyed some of those, you know, 125 of them, and I just couldn't believe the stories of these people that are showing up every day and loving the children of their spouse. So it can be a beautiful thing. But, you know, that was probably much longer of an answer than you were looking for.

I'm really curious, though, when you knew you were going to become a stepmom, right? You get engaged to Jerry, you know you're going to become one.

Did you all of a sud, you know, find mentors or help try to fast forward all the parenting lessons that you kind of felt like you had to make up for for the first six years of his life that you, you weren't present for. I mean, what did that look like?

Absolutely. I mean, obviously we were building the relationship while Jerry and I got more serious and then got engaged. But truly, most of my friends were moms.

They weren't stepmoms. And I had a couple of friends that had a child later in life. One in particular who I talk about in the book. Her name was Cheryl.

And I'll be very honest with you, Willow, the hardest part was that first day. I remember thinking to myself, what am I going to do when I pick him up at 2? Jerry's not coming home till 5. I don't know what to do. With him.

And, you know, I suspect that's how couples feel when they're in the hospital and they have their first baby and they get sent home. It's like, like, wait, no, no, no. Aren't you gonna.

I always tell this story, but our hospital has a stoplight about one block away from it. And I was in the hospital with an emergency C section for extra days with my first.

And when they agreed that we could finally leave, they had my husband set up the car seat. They approved the car seat. They say it's time to go. So I sat in the back seat with Aiden because, you know, it's my baby.

I need to sit back by his car seat. And we get to that first stoplight, like we' a block away from the hospital and I yell, go back to the hospital. And Rob's like, why?

Did we forget something? And I was like, we have no idea what we're doing. We're just like, I think I still feel like that. And I have an 18 year old and a 15 year old.

We don't know what we're doing in this parenting journey. No, we're doing our best.

Completely. No. And then you just figure it out when they turn a different age. It's ridiculous, the whole thing of parenting.

But what I did is I called my friend Cheryl and I invited myself over to her house for a play date. I said, can we come over? And then I asked her if I could move in. And it was not. She really.

She said something to me that I can pass this on to any parent, really, who has a child. She said, you will figure this out. You've been called to help this child become the person that he is going to be. And somehow that ignited me.

You know that word? It was like, oh, yeah, he is part of the calling of this marriage.

And I knew that I was serving a role that he needed more than he even knew in his life. And even now as a teenager, I'm the typical teenage mom.

He rolls his eyes and grunts at me, you know, because I'm the primary caretake, I get all the teenage stuff. But I know that in time he will realize so much and is realizing and trying to interpret his journey. So it's just been a wild ride.

And I'm sure a lot in common with yours being a parent. I think they're all parenting stories.

It's just the step parenting story has the added challenge of having another set of parents, parents that you're trying to negotiate all that with.

It's so interesting though, because You. You say you surveyed or talked to 125 step parents, and you mentioned that they're heroes. And I absolutely agree with you that they're heroes.

They're investing in these kids and pouring into them and making sacrifices and walking alongside them and supporting them and pointing them to their best life and doing the hard stuff, discipline and. And the necessary teaching and just daily carpooling, all of that stuff.

And yet, because they're not the parent, is there this weird dynamic where it's almost this thankless job, like you're being a hero, you're.

You're sacrificing, you're doing all this, but then you're not the mom or you're not the dad, so therefore, you don't get the props or the love or the thanks. I mean, what is that dynamic like?

Well, it's definitely something that I have negotiated at every turn, and. And I try to be my usual self, very honest in the book and very respectful to Jordan's mom as well.

We're very different people, and she has by no means relinquished her role. So it's not that, even though she moved to Australia. So it has definitely been a dance that looks different in almost every situation.

And there are step parents that have to not only do what you just said, but absorb pain and hurt that they didn't cause, but they are there as the target. And so, especially when the kids are older, a lot of step parents walk into situations and they are not welcomed. They are not.

You know, I had this little child who was hugging on me and loving me. But the older the child is, the. The more challenging it is to really step into that role and not just say, forget this.

This is not giving me anything. And for me, that is really where my faith has shown up. I didn't really experience a lot of that early on.

I mean, a little bit of the negotiation, of course, with Jordan's mom.

But as he's become a teenager and realized more of his story, there have been a lot of private tears and prayers and hugs from my husband of just, I wish I could put him in my belly and start over. And I wish I could have been this and that, but God called me to do this, Willow. And I do believe, like, this book is part of my calling.

It's part of what I can give now to other people who have felt that pain, just like I could give my story of singleness to so many who feel that pain. I think our pain is our biggest potential for ministry.

Well, that's certainly true in my Life for sure. So I, I'm over here saying amen to that because that's what I've seen to be true. When you think about the role of a step parent, what do you think?

Because it's such an important role, what are some of the biggest mistakes that we can make in it?

Well, one whole chapter is about the fairness battle. I think that that is the first thing that, that step parents feel this is unfair.

You, you usually don't have a voice in any kind of custody discussion or the relationship between your spouse and their ex.

I think one of the key points and where you have to start as a step parent is your own relationship with your spouse and developing open communication and becoming a team together because your spouse is going to be your bridge to your child.

And so the more that your spouse knows what you're feeling and what you're thinking and you are a valuable player because as a biological parent, you don't always have the objectivity that you have as a step parent. And so I think there's so many great things that can happen, but where people get stopped up is the fairness.

I mean, there's unfairness at every turn. I mean, it's unfair the way your child sometimes treats you. It's unfair the way the ex spouse biological parent treats you.

It's unfair what you have to do when all you were doing is marrying this person. And this is the whole package that came with it. And I learned early on that battles of fairness first of all have a lot of different perspectives.

What's unfair to you is not going to be unfair to the person that is on the other side of it. And you have to choose between grace and fairness.

I mean, that really is the story of the prodigal, the elder brother in particular, who I talk about in the book, because the elder brother could not get past the fairness. And if you don't know the story, it's in Luke 15 and it's such a great story.

And we mainly focus on this child that goes away and steals the not steals, but takes the inheritance from the father and squanders all the money and then comes begging back and the father welcomes him with open arms. And that is such a picture of God's grace.

But the elder brother was the one who stayed home and did everything right and now watches this outlandish grace and can't participate in it. And I think as a step parent, you have a choice.

Am I going to embrace this imperfect situation and just love, just love unconditionally and take a Risk to do that, that God is going to work this out. If I just keep responding in love, it doesn't mean being a doormat, Willow. You know, I mean, obviously you're not, you know, you just.

You don't lay down and go, just walk all over me. No, no, no. But it is saying, I'm going to choose to keep my mouth shut. I'm going to choose to not win this battle so I can win the war.

And that is a huge piece of wisdom in step parenting, I think, because you ultimately win on every level if you can hold on and just pull your husband or wife in the back room and tell them everything you're feeling if it's unfair. But then when you're with the child and in the situation, try to bank on God, because he will fill in those places that you can't do on your own.

Such a good word for so many roles in life. Not just step parenting, but definitely step parenting.

And I hope everyone who's listening to this grabs that copy of that because it sounds so helpful. I. I want to shift gears for a second and talk about the. The book that you spoke about when you were last at one of our conferences.

When Changing nothing changes everything. I love the idea that changing nothing can change everything. It's almost just like. Just like the freest gift, the idea.

So can you tell us the concept behind it and why it's such a helpful concept?

Absolutely. I mean, it's the book of the pandemic, isn't it? Because every day we were like, groundhog Day. Oh, my gosh. It's the same view. It's the same people.

What am I going to do? And, you know, the premise of that book came. You know, all my books are kind of around similar themes.

I think perspective has been huge in my relationship with God, and I came up with this idea of lenses that we need.

And I actually think it's one of the chapters in the step parenting book, too, of just the need to pull back the lens for a minute and realize, like we talked about, you're in a chapter of a much bigger story. This isn't the full picture. It's not the full picture of everything that's going on. It's not the full picture of everything God is doing.

Those things you will see later, but you don't see everything right now. And yet we live in the present. And so that's kind of that pulling in which we all did during the pandemic.

It was like after a while, you had to figure out what you were going to do with this life that you had.

And it was trying to love your family or if you were single, it was trying to find ways to connect with people and do your part that you could do to help and. And all of these things that happen to all of us.

And then I talk about the rear view, which I think is so important, because when we look back, we see so much more what God was doing, what was even happening during a season of our life that we didn't know at the time. I think we'll look back on the pandemic so differently than when we lived it. I think it'll be really interesting for that.

And so these lenses kind of help us get perspective when we don't have. Have perspective, when we're just struggling, when we're myopic and we cannot get out of something.

And they don't change your circumstances, they just change the way you look at your circumstances. And that, I maintain, changes everything.

Yeah, it's so interesting because I think it's. It's pretty possible for all of us.

Or maybe I can say myself to sort of get in a funk, or you can kind of of be hypothesizing, you know, bad outlooks or be downcast or have kind of negative vibes. And you can be in that space for an hour or a day or even a week.

But you can also find yourself like, wow, I've been in this space for a couple months, and something needs to shift when someone is in that space where they realize they can't change their circumstances, they have no control over their circumstances. So something has to shift. Oh, it must be my perspective needs to shift. What's your advice to them on what they're to do?

You know, that's so interesting because one of the verses that I unpack in 40 verses is, you know, Jeremiah 29 is so known for verse 11. I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope in a future. I mean, I memorized that.

I painted it on a tile. But the context of that verse is so interesting. I'm actually doing a whole study on Jeremiah 29.

But there is a verse about how the Israelites are in exile when this verse is given to them, and they're going to be there 70 years. And what Jeremiah says is, okay, here's what I want you to do.

Build houses and settle in, plant gardens and eat what they produce, marry, have sons and daughters. And it's like, I don't know about You.

But when I'm in a place I don't want to be, which is what these Israelites were in, I want to keep my bags packed. I'm not settling in here. You know, I don't want to. I don't want God to say, hey, you're going to be here a while, so figure it out. I don't want to.

And I think that what. What I would say to somebody is just exactly what I say to my former self.

With so many years of singleness, and a lot of people love being single, I didn't want to be single. I wanted to marry somebody. And we didn't want to marry right out of college. But certainly if someone had told me, hey, 49, I would have.

I mean, you can see college girls go to prayer. Willow, when I share my testimony, it's like, no, no, you know, prayer and tiles. Nobody goes, oh, prayer and tiles. Yeah.

Yeah, I want to get married when I'm 49. That sounds so fun. No, but the journey is that we are willing. It's not that we are.

That we need to be happy about it all the time, but we say, for whatever reason, God has me here. And I don't know what he's even going to do with this or what he'll do tomorrow, but right now, I'm here.

And so my two choices are make the most of it and try to live it as well as I can, or just fold up and die. And I always talk about, what if I had spent 49 years just sitting on the couch waiting for the rose?

I would have wasted what turned out to be more than or half my life. I don't know how long I'll be around, but that's a long time to waste.

And so at some point, you've got to pick yourself up and say, I've got to learn to see things differently. And, boy, there was so much richness from that time in my life, you know? Yeah, I was sad a lot. I'd wake up and kind of. But then I'd find my joy.

And there were so many amazing things that happened during that time. So I think that's what I'd say.

Yeah, I love that. That reference to Jeremiah, too, because I think we can all resonate with, no, I'm in a circumstance I don't want to be in. My bags are packed.

I'm out.

And you reminding us that scripture says, build houses, plant gardens, and eat what grows is this real rough invitation to really make yourself at home in the place of place that you Find yourself right now.

Absolutely.

And sometimes that's hard because I think we wonder, is that what I'm supposed to do? Or am I supposed to hold on to hope and, like, hustle my way and, like, climb my way out of this hole? And which is it, God?

You know, how do I know if I'm supposed to fight to change my circumstances or find you right here in the midst of them?

Have you found anything to be helpful for you when you're discerning between packing your bags and hitting the road versus building a house and planting a garden? Absolutely.

Let him who walks in, or her who walks in the dark, who has no light. Trust in the name of the Lord and rely on your God. Okay, so that was the.

I wrote that for five years, first page in my journal and when I was in my in between season. But what I had never seen was the next verse. And that's the verse that's actually in the book that says this.

But woe to you who light your own fires and provide your own torches. This is what you will receive. You will lie down in torment. Now, I can tell you I've never shared that verse on social media. It's not.

It's not kind of that makes people go, I want to follow God.

But I will tell you that there is so much wisdom in that verse because I've experienced that I think we all know when we have crossed a line to say, I want this more than I want what God wants, and therefore I'm willing to make sacrifices in what I'm looking for. And for me in particular, it was the kind of God, well, you know, he said, God bless you after I sneeze. So he knows. He must know something of God.

I mean, you know, you start to make compromises of what you're looking for because you want it so bad. And certainly God can work through anything and every decision and every. Whatever you've done. And I totally believe that. And.

And yet I do believe that we complicate our lives. Just like Sarah did with Hagar. I think that she just got tired of waiting, and rightly so. For heaven's sakes.

The poor woman was 80 when she got the promise and 90 when she had the baby. I mean, I would have said, obviously, God's not doing this at this point. You know, we're in depends and we're not Going to.

But I think, you know, God is not bound by our time. We're bound by our time.

And I. I have a whole other future talking about God's timing, I think in a book, but I just believe that we're stuck on that. And so we get to a place where we go, it's too late. God, you didn't do it.

In my timeline, certainly for me, having a biological child, I mean, I could have said, hey, you know what? That's more important to me than finding the right relationship.

And so I'm just gonna get married so I can have a child or, you know, and those are all. All choices that, you know, there's a lot of choice within that.

I'm not saying not to do that or not to have a baby, if that is the desire of your heart.

I'm just saying I think we do come to a crossroads where God is taking too long, and then we have to look at what we're doing to determine whether it's an issue of just our gumption. Because, like, for instance, one to your point of what should we do?

Well, I was Internet dating or that, you know, meeting people online had just started when I was, you know, in that single time. And I think, yes, for sure. Open up yourself to dating. Don't just wait for the person to knock on the door.

You know, if you're not out there, you know, there's things that you can do to be out there. But when you've crossed the line to say, I'm not waiting anymore, then I think that's when you're going, I don't trust God.

Yeah, it's. It's so hard, right?

When we're in that chapter seven, that waiting that, you know, how much do I take agency over my own life versus how much do I wait? And that's a hard space to be in. I love that your story shows a God who can show up in the midst of that.

That just to give some. Some people a handle here.

You know, what's interesting about my story is after my broken engagement, it was just a few months later that I got a call from a pastor in Santa Barbara about a job.

It didn't have anything to do with a relationship, but had I not followed that door that was opening for me to move, I never would have met my husband. And so. So there are things that you should be looking at in your life.

It might not be the door you're looking for that opens, but one door can lead to another door. That may just be a different route than you expected.

And that's why it's so important to keep your eyes open every day and don't assume that nothing's going to happen because something could happen tomorrow. And you just, just be ready for it and live your life in the meantime.

Lori, I love that you just keep spouting hope. You just keep pointing us to keep hoping and keep trusting that God is going to show up. If you haven't seen him show up, he will show up.

And that continues to be the theme of your story and your books. And I love talking to you today. I feel like we could talk and talk and talk forever.

So we're gonna have to have you back on because I have some questions about being a woman who keeps saying yes to making big impact. So we'll have to do that episode in the future.

But how can people who are listening today who want to grab hold of some hope, how can they connect with you, the meaningful work you're doing? Grab a copy of one of your books.

Yes, I would love that. I am Instagram is probably my top social media channel, Lori P. Short. And I love to do little videos and encouragements on that.

I also am on Facebook, my author page, and my website is you can find me with Lori Short or Lori Pullet Short. And that has ways that you can join that. I also have ventured into YouTube, Willow, so I now have a YouTube channel as well.

So I'm always doing ministry things.

And so it's not just about following me, it's about the things that I try to do to encourage people because now that I don't work at a church, I feel like that is my way of encouraging people. And so I would love any of you who want to join me to please feel welcome to do that.

Thank you for hanging out, Lori.

Thank you for having me, Willow. I hope to see you soon.

Yeah, I hope so too. And for those of you listening, keep colliding, keep grabbing on to hope. God is coming for you. He will redeem things. He will make all things right.

He will make all things new. Watch for that, friends, take care and we'll catch you next week.

Thanks for tuning in to keep up with us. You can find us on on Instagram. We Collide on Facebook as Collide Women.

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